Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
