Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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