I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
