worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
