i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am available for nakedness
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
