You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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