suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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