I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
