I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
