i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
