Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My ass is underappreciated
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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