the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
