tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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