You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
