so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
