and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
