Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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