yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
