So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
