you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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