Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
