I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
