Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
