Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
