Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
