I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
