i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
