three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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