she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
