Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
