It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
