i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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