first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
