fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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