I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
