Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
