ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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