Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
