Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize