Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
