I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
