We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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