All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So vagazzling was a success
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
