as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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