So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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