I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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