remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How's work?
Spinning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
