i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
