Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
