Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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