I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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