We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
