After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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