if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
