I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
