I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
