And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
