I wish I could punch you in the face.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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