Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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