i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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