Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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