uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
