On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
