Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
