FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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