I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
