So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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