I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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