omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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