Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
