I feel like abortions should bother me more
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
