Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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