Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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