you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I queefed so loud it echoed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
