I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A bitchslap is in order.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize