The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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