the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
