Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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