She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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