Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
